After reading Train(ed) Men below, I gave a thought about reading material choice by men who commute by LRT. The choice of reading material during a minimum of 15 minutes ride does more or less tells you what kinda dude one is. So, I decided to encode men based on what they read and whether or not they are my cup of tree.
1. National Geographic
My eyes will always be attracted to the lemon yellow border magazine. They can be spotted from many feet away yet rare. My initial thought would be, “This dude is a least mentally adventurous…half the battle is won.” I have a theory that NG readers are intriguing. Not necessarily physically appealing to the female eye but at least they have facts and stories to keep me interested. NG magazines are quite costly and if he subscribes yearly, I’m his. However, there’s one thing you might need to check before throwing yourself at the dude, which is to look for the publication month. If it’s not current (backdated by a month or 2 is acceptable), means this dude buys second hands, which I find a setback. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all into recycling/going green/being frugal and shit but I personally feel that backdated facts are just backdated.
2. Men’s Health
I’m confused by this one. Most dudes that read Men’s Health don’t look so healthy themselves. Maybe they are in the process of getting there or they just like to admire hot men’s hot oily bods in {insert choice of underwear here} but I would suggest that until that day comes when you resemble any extras’ bodies from 300, don’t flaunt the magazine for all to see. It’s just like how ‘larger than life’ individuals happily carry commercialized gym bags around. Either you sue the gym for not making miracles out of you or the gym sues you for bad representation.
3. Newspapers
This bunch is annoying. Reading newspaper in the LRT takes up so much space. Unless you somehow know how to strategically hold the paper in a way that the ends of the paper don’t touch other humans...ever...then you are fine. Yes, you are excited about the day's news and who has a sex video out and all but it can wait until you get to your destination. Be considerate.
4. Novels
I have mix feelings about this. It would have to depend on the genre of the book. I wouldn’t like for example John Grisham readers. Too much hype, too everybody's quoting law, too ‘buy one free twenty’. But I would want to know more about a dude reading e.g. Kafka’s Metamorphosis or The Diary of Anne Frank. If he cared so much to read about somebody’s thoughts that died a gazillion years ago, he would care about what I have to say.
5. Bible or religious books/materials
For this type, I’ll run as far as my short legs will take me. It’s call ‘quiet time’ for a reason. You are supposed to do whatever religious readings in the comfort of your 90 sq ft room and not for all to see and secretly feel ‘I am holier that thou’ towards the rest (it shows by the way you carry the book). I’m sure you’ll be the number one choice for any Amish pubescent female. I rather you read a newspaper.
6. Techie Magazines
Oh how I love geeks. They will know the workings of nuts to wtf are mpegs. From loving upgrades to getting you a gadget that helps you eat Oreos the right way without using your hands. Since I have the knowledge of computers from the 80s, he will fix all my electricity driven/battery powered stuffs. Bliss.
Although, I don’t think living in a cardboard box while playing the latest PS with state of the art surround sound system the size of an amphitheatre is cool. Dudes in this category will spend every cent they have on the latest finds. It’s an addiction.
7. Travel Guides
This bunch will score very high in my cup. I love to travel so this will immediately catch my eye/heart/brain. What’s more interesting would be the destination on the guidebook. I once saw a dude who was reading a telephone-book-thick ‘Travel in South Africa for A Year’ and I wanted to follow him home. A dude studying about the place he’s going is just oh-so-sexy.
8. Self-Helps
I guess it also depends on what kind of self-help book one is reading. But generally self-help books spells lame ass. ‘How to make good and long lasting friendships with people you hate’, ‘How to ride a unicycle and contribute to world peace’, ‘How to make lemonade when life gives you one tiny lemon’, ‘How to know if you have schizophrenia and psychosis at the same time’...you get my drift.
9. Textbooks
Normally, very young dudes flip through them because exam's in 30 minutes time. But if I spot an older dude with a textbook, my heart goes out to him. It takes a hell of a lot to go back to studying at an older age (not counting dudes who just want to be in Malaysia's Guinness Book of Records).
10. Men’s magazines like GQ, FHM, Esquire etc.
I actually love to read men’s magazine. They are so much more informative and ha ha funny. I enjoy the wit but am ambiguous about dudes who read these religiously though. High maintenance and difficult to please but they know what they want and when they want it by. They dress well or least THINK they dress well. Maybe not filthy rich but has money (on credit) to spend on the both of you on clothes/bags/accessories and luxe holidays. There’s an air of arrogance even by the way they answer their Blackberry because they know somebody is always watching them. He’ll be too busy to call you but never to busy to stop by Prada to browse; they might just have a member’s 3% discount on that day.
11. Reader’s Digest
5 years ago, this would be the perfect reading material for men in the LRT (I used to subscribe to RD). It’s like the mini/portable version of NG. But now, it costs RM15 for a skinny booklet that consists of monthly updated stories of chicken soup for the soul. If it’s not some 3 legged dog saving 10 kids from a school bus plunged into the muddy river, it’s an one eyed parrot saving 10 kids from a school bus plunged into the muddy river. So dudes, change to NG please.
12. Porn Magazines (I haven't come across yet...)
Refer to number 5. Change the word ‘religious’ to ‘self satisfactory’.
13. Sudoku & Crossword Puzzle books
I hate Sudoku. For the life of me, I don’t know how filling in the grids so that every 3x3 box contains the digits 1-9 gives one an adrenaline rush. No one checks it! Next time, if I see a dude/woman saying yes and does the irritating ‘YES’ arm and fist pull in, I’m gonna ask the smug to show me his/her book and check it!
I’m fine with crossword puzzles. I find it endearing if a dude is thinking hard trying to find the correct word to fill letters in the boxes and even more interesting if he turns and asks me;
“What did Gollum always say in Lord of the Rings? 8 letters.”
And I’ll answer “Precious?”
And he will gaze deeply into my ebony eyes with a thousand watt smile that makes half-inch deep dimples on his cheeks...we’ll then evaporate into thin air and disappear into oblivion together.
I watch too many Hollywood movies.
Did I miss out any other material?
